Volume 1 Book 1 Part
1 of
an online diary by Steve
Schalchlin
a Geocities Landmark site
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1 ] [ Part 2 ] [ Part
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March 1996.
Los Angeles USA.
The beginning
of the diary.
A note before
you begin reading:
I began writing
this internet diary so that my brothers in Texas,
who had just
connected to the net, could check in on me.
My health
was beginning to seriously decline
although
I didn't know how bad it would eventually get.
Plus I wanted
to talk about The Last Session.
Jim Brochu
and I had just debuted it in a staged reading
at the Hollywood
Roosevelt Hotel on March 3rd.
Hello, dear reader. I've never
seen another person's diary on the internet before, so I'm flying blind
on this one. Diaries of others are never interesting for me, but I know
that some people love peering into the lives of others. Plus, I'm dealing
with a lot and I need to say it all "out loud." This is day one.
I've been living with a constant cough
for about three months. It's going on four. At first it wasn't so bad and
I thought maybe it was just allergies. We tested (last month) for infections,
but nothing turned up. Then I noticed that it always got worse when I talked,
so I've decided I have nodes or something on my vocal chords and I have
stopped speaking. It's the only cure besides surgery and I don't want anyone
near my vocal chords with knife. Sorry.
I recently started with a new Chinese
Doctor and I go to him on a weekly basis for herbs which I then boil into
tea. He was very upset that he hadn't solved my cough and diarrhea problems.
Our first visit was three weeks ago and he said (in his broken, excited
English), "I stop cough three day! I stop diarrhea three day!" Well, it's
been three weeks and I'm hacking and -- well, having diarrhea still. Of
course, I've had diarrhea for three years. I think if he "cures" this,
I'm going to put his name on a Goodyear Blimp.
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Tuesday,
March 26, 1996
The River Wild & A Fresh Start
I'm so sorry I didn't update
you yesterday because, frankly, yesterday was one sorry day and I didn't
feel like complaining and whining. It's just that the diarrhea I am constantly
on guard against was like the river wild yesterday despite Dr. Xi's best
efforts and there didn't seem to be anything I could do about. I got up
feeling kinda bad, looked around for something to eat -- but it didn't
seem like there was anything I could really stomach -- so I had a protein
drink and went down to where I "work."
(This isn't a "real" job because I
can't really work. This disease has me too physically disabled to hold
a job, but I have a title and desk at a music publishing company and I
help them with ''little work'' when I can. It's part of my own physical
therapy.) I wasn't there an hour before I was too sick to do anything,
so I came home and fell into bed and slept most of the day.
I feel a bit better this morning, though
my cough is raging and my stomach is upset. Last night, as part of the
Academy Awards show, they showed a little bit of ''Philadelphia'' and the
scene had Tom Hanks coughing slightly while in a library. That's what I'm
doing. I don't know what the cough is all about. It could be allergies.
It could be my voicebox and nodes. It could be cancer. That's what I hate
about AIDS. It could be anything.
My mind has mainly been on getting
The
Last Session produced. It's a musical I have written with my partner
of 11 years and the songs come from my own experience living with AIDS.
Everything seems to move so slowly. I keep getting nice phone calls from
people who are listening to, and deeply moved by, the tape I handed out
at a showcase reading we did at the Hollywood Roosevelt's Cinegrill earlier
this month, so I know people are reacting to it, but it's so expensive
to do theatre and we don't have an "angel" yet. You know, someone with
money.
Angel, are you there?
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Wednesday,
March 27, 1996
Boring Day. Not much to Read.
Feeling a lot better today
than I did day before yesterday. I managed to make it through the entire
day without diarrhea. Also, Jim and I got out of the house -- we were in
the middle of a massive case of cabin fever -- and I had some chicken curry
which Dr. Xi said was good for my stomach, and we went to see "The Birdcage."
Funny movie. And oddly touching, too.
Today I see Dr. Frank for my acupuncture
and maybe call the voice specialist Alan O'Day recommended to me. He said
not to guess about what's happening with my cough or my voice. Go check
it out. He's right, of course. It's just that every doctor costs money
and everything is expensive. Especially specialists.
Might go see another movie today. Good
for my brain.
OH! And tonight we're recording the
choir parts for When You Care. I wish my
voice weren't so screwed up right now. It's maddening.
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Thursday,
March 28, 1996
Choir Recorded. Still Worried About Cough
Last night I went over to
Sherman Oaks Presbyterian Church and recorded all the choir parts for When
You Care. It was just glorious. Alan Satchwell, the conductor who arranged
the parts, is a great disciplinarian and the choir sounded like angels.
Jim Latham engineered and said if I wanted to, he could squeeze the song
onto the end of a string session he would doing next week. This "demo"
is going to sound like a million bucks!
Cough is getting a bit better. I'm
thinking it might be something other than nodes. Looks like I'm going to
break down and see a specialist or something if it does not improve. Dr.
Xi thinks he can fix it though, so I'm going to give it until my next appt.
with my regular doctor in a couple of weeks.
All my friends are impressed with my
home page and now they want one of their own! Except poor Harriet who doesn't
have enough RAM. Oh, for the lack of RAM in our lives...
I also talked to songwriter Harold
Payne about redesigning the National Academy of Songwriter pages. We'll
see. I'm really enjoying all this html (computer code) stuff. Everyone
wants to know what editor I'm using. None! I'm doing it all by codes. I'm
fabulous.
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Friday,
March 29, 1996
A Few Meetings. Maggie Cavender Dies.
I love the early morning hours.
These were the hours I used to write The
Last Session. It's the only time the whole world stops and the phone
doesn't ring and I can have some uninterrupted "thinking" time. As if I
could think, of course.
I spent the day yesterday having meetings.
Met with Max, a writer who wants to give "The Last Session" to an agent
at William Morris; met with a songwriter who wanted to play me her song
about watching a sick friend die; and then I went over to MCC (the gay
church--Metropolitian Community Church) to meet with Rev.
Steve Pieters who ministers to PWAs (People With AIDS). He is a longtime
survivor who took some experimental drug 10 years ago that killed everyone
else, but sent his HIV into remission. Imagine that.
It reminds me of all the "cures" people
keep telling me about. The "doctors" with these cures all have as an example
at least one person who's been "cured." Then claim they can cure everyone
else. Of course, almost no one else gets cured, but by then they've made
so much money off dying people it doesn't matter anymore.
For me, I just take it one day at a
time. I've had a rough week, but the last two days have been a bit better.
My brother in Texas (Corky) told me that he had a lingering dry cough these
days too, so I'm really thinking my cough is not something lethal. It's
just so hard to know. We haven't turned up any infections, so the only
tests left are invasive and require hospitalization, etc. I'm just not
convinced it's necessary. With AIDS you can hospital yourself to death
over every little thing if you want to.
Today, though, I take it easy again.
My friend Ronda had some surgery yesterday. They said she came through
it all right, but we worry about her. She spends all her time taking care
of us, so we need her! She is not non-essential personnel.
Also, saw yesterday that Maggie Cavender,
the founder of the Nashville Songwriters
Association International died. She was a cornerstone for songwriters
in Nashville -- and everywhere else, for that matter. Good-bye, Maggie,
songwriters everywhere loved you.
END OF PART 1.