LAZARUS
(Dickie's Theme)

 

words and music by Steve Schalchlin
as heard on THE BONUS ROUND SESSIONS
a benefit album for Youth Guardian Services

It's not that I'm not that I'm not grateful
I didn't want to die
But when I met the reaper
Just before he passed me by
    He fixed me a martini
    Then he told me pretty lies then ran away

He promised he would free me
From this life of endless pain
That he could make me happy
I had only peace to gain
    And then he disappeared
    And I was left with something
    Just a bit less hazardous

A life of Lazarus

I fell in love with death
When all my days became unbearable
I found a certain kind of strength
And though it might sound terrible
    I was looking forward to the end
    But still I'd fight for each new day

Then suddenly he went away
By death I was betrayed
I told myself I was relieved
How awful if he'd stayed
    And was I really so in love
    What had he done or said
    To make me miss his footsteps
And his presence in my bed?

A life of Lazarus
Another chance to live again
Reincarnation
But with a different kind of spin
Like a baby with a lifetime of karma overdue
    And the fear you'll have to face
    The kind of pain you once went through

Like a lover going through divorce
An actor with no show
It's difficult to think
You've got another life to go

A worker fired at fifty
A desecrated priest
And everybody tells you
Well you've got your life at least
 

A life of Lazarus
More than a physical rebirth
While others worry
They think you know what life is worth
    An innocent crusader with nothing left to lose
    A mystery detective with a secret set of clues
A life of Lazarus

Like a graduating student
A soldier home from war
The world is nothing like
The kind of world you left before

And you think you cannot make it
Cuz it seems like everyone has just slowed down

And is this new life permanent?
A lifer free from jail?
Or is it temporary, more like
Being out on bail?

A life of Lazarus
A kind of spiritual rebirth
Sometimes you worry
But still you know what life is worth

But then the secret gets away
And suddenly you're lost
You could find the answer
But will you bear the cost

Of Lazarus?
 

© 2000 by Lil Shack o Tunes/See No Evil Music

ABOUT THIS SONG:
Dickie named this song "his" song. Dickie, Richard E. Remley, was my friend who died in January 2000 of liver failure after many, many years of living with HIV disease. He knew more, academically and experientially, about the virus than anyone I knew, scientists included, and he developed his own theory about HIV, along with a proposed treatment. I always used to hear him brag, after hearing any breaking news research about the virus, "See? My theory allows for that and explains it."

In 1998, the first time I saw him in liver failure, his future fiancee Gail and I "conned" him into living an extra year by making him write out his theory which, until then, was all in his head. Then we posted the theory onsite. He was self-taught in molecular biology and cytology and virology (and everything else), reading every every textbook he could get his hands on. He avoided going outside known scientific theory (except for his ultimate postulation which has yet to be tested, but easily could be).

Dickie was this little, vital, funny, sweet, humble, joyful -- the greatest laugh ever -- and sometimes sad guy who would think nothing of sitting for hours and hours helping people in support groups and afterwards. He loved them one on one, especially young people, especially people who felt alone and lost.

He said this song, Lazarus, was the only song that actually caught what it felt like to come back to life over and over again. He would stand behind me with his hands on my shoulders while I played the piano, listening to it and crying. His death in January 2000 devastated all of us who knew him.

I love you and miss you, Richard E. Remley
http://www.bonusround.com/dickie

Information about buying Bonus Round Sessions CD at Youth Guardian Services
Steve's website at http://www.bonusround.com